I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
