She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
