White coat. Heels.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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