OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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