I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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