I love black thongs
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
