I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
