I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
