So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
