I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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