OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
