Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
