Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
