you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
