How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
