The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
