I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
