in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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