the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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