I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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