So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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