No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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