Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
