On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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