He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
