im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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