wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
