I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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