Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
