I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
