I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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