It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
