So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
