____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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