his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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