If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
