Can i not drive my cunt home
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Semen is not good for contacts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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