Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
