remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
