Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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