Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
