no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
