Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
