I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
