I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
