We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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