she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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