would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
