I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
