Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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