i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
