Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
