Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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