I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
