I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
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