Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
