How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
