Where did you get a picture of my penis
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
