true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
