you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
