I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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