Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
